On My 'Week of Outfits' Photo Shoot

How I prepared + how I feel about it. (Spoiler: 🥹)

This newsletter is called Free Happiness, but I found my own little corner of free happiness in the comments section of my photos for Cup of Jo’s “Week of Outfits” series. I have been floored by how much kindness there has been in response to the photos taken by the wonderful Julia Robbs—each comment feels like a hug.

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For those who might be interested, here are some insights into how I prepped for the shoot (including answering commenters’ questions) and what it means to me now.

How I prepared

Posing for photos

As exciting as this opportunity was, it was also nerve-wracking because I’ve always been anxious about taking photos. When I’d see a camera pointed at me, I’d panic, wince when the flash went off, then agonize about how the photo came out.

Pre-photo shoot, I especially worried about how to pose for photos that showed me from head to toe. I think so much of my body image has been shaped by seeing myself in photos looking slumpy, tentative or resigned. So, I turned to TikTok.

@lookgoodinphotosYOUR BODY ISN’T THE PROBLEM (…YOUR POSE IS!) 📸 The camera doesn’t see us the way we see ourselves. (And it definitely doesn’t see us the way the people who love us do!) So something that feels totally natural in real life like how you stand, how you smile, how you move—can suddenly look stiff, awkward, *off* in a photo. And when that happens? Most of us don’t question the camera. We blame ourselves. We assume our bodies are the problem. 
That if we were thinner, taller, more symmetrical, more toned... then we’d finally like the picture. But here’s the truth: Your body is not the problem. The problem is that no one ever taught you how to work *with* the camera—how to pose in a way that translates your energy, personality and full 3D presence into a flat, 2D image. Because that’s what a photo is. It’s not real life. It’s a representation. And unless you know how to guide that translation?
The photo won’t reflect what you actually look like—or how you actually feel. It’s not a flaw.
It’s just a skill you haven’t learned yet. But here’s the good news: You can learn it. #howtopose #posingtips #posingforwomen #posingtipsandtricks

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It was a revelation to learn how a few different movements could make a difference in photos. And Julia gave me great directions too, which helped me relax and feel more natural. But in watching several of Christine’s videos and studying my face in the mirror to figure out which angles suited my face best, I was able to approach this photo shoot with a lot more confidence than I would have otherwise.

The scarves and purses

When I was deciding what to wear in the shoot, I decided that I would shop my closet and favor things I either loved (clothes I viewed as security blankets) or had never worn. The purple dress would have been destined to remain forever in my closet if not for this shoot, but the other items finally were unearthed were my scarves, both of which I thought were gorgeous, yet had never figured out how to wear.

Looking for inspiration, I googled “how to tie a scarf” and discovered an article titled “20 Seriously Easy Ways to Wear a Scarf to Spice Up Any Outfit.” One of those “seriously easy” ways was to tie a scarf to your purse, which is what gave me the inspiration for tying the scarves to my purses in two different ways.

(Photo: Julia Robbs for Cup of Jo)

One as a purse strap, seen above, and the other tied to my purse’s handle. Neither were that easy to do, and I had the Taylor Swift lyric “this is me trying…at least I’m trying” playing nonstop in my head as I tied (and retied) them. Here is the YouTube video that guided me, if you’d like to try this yourself!

The unexpected importance of overalls

When I think of my what has defined my relationship to my body, I think of a photo of overalls—except I’m not wearing them. When I was in high school, overalls were having a moment, and it seemed everyone had a pair. With my body shape, I never once considered getting a pair for myself. And then one day, several of my friends met up and they all happened to be wearing overalls, so we took a group photo. It was a charming coincidence to all of them except for me, who grinned awkwardly as everyone else beamed at the camera.

That photo has stayed sharp in my brain as the moment where I mentally divorced myself from clothes and style. When I sought outfits for this shoot that would fulfill stylist Matthew Hemesath’s advice on bold, bright colors and pattern clashing, the Serena+LYN overalls caught my eye immediately. I tried them on, they fit beautifully, and it exorcised something deep within that had existed for a long time. At last, I began to feel my relationship with clothes begin to evolve in a more positive direction.

(Photo: Julia Robbs for Cup of Jo)

Everything from that point forward—finding clothes to wear, putting the outfits together, getting my photo taken—gave me a lot of joy.

What I’ve learned

I remain self-critical, of course. I still see myself in a photo or the mirror and wish there were things I could change. But my relationship to clothes and style have changed. I’m embracing wearing new things, like this gorgeous jumpsuit by Indian designer Rujuta Sheth I wore to a recent book festival.

(Photo: The fourth of fifty mirror selfies)

I never saw myself wearing a jumpsuit, or overalls, or learning how to pose for a camera. But here I am, learning to embrace new things, which has been one of the unexpected positives of this shoot, and getting older in general: to stop second-guessing myself, and instead ask, “why not try?”

It means a lot that so many of Cup of Jo’s readers related to my story, and so I hope that it can inspire others to create new definitions for ourselves of who we can be.

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One more thing…

I’ll be discussing my new novel The Other Lata at the following events this month:

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May 13: The Cardigan Connection’s reading series, held monthly in Providence, RI. Four authors, including my friend Saumya Dave who wrote the incredible The Guilt Pill, will chat about our books. Tickets and more info here.

May 15: My friends and Substack collaborators at Ministry of Pop Culture will be chatting about how to turn fandom into a writing career at The Common Good in Ellenville, NY. More info here.

May 31: The Greater Pittsburgh Festival of Books, for a panel called “Romantic Comedies: Chasing Love, Clues and Second Chances.” Tickets and more info here.

Thanks for reading and wishing you good days ahead. 💐

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